Conflict is complex
You know that feeling you have when you know you are right about something? When you are so sure of the facts of your argument that you don’t even have to listen to anyone else? That moment, that feeling of correctness is one of the most difficult things to overcome. The certainty that our perspective is the only right one is often the biggest obstacle to building understanding with others.
Raise your hand if you love conflict? What…nobody…??
Our perspective on conflict is complex and has been influenced throughout our lives. I remember as a child whenever my parents would have to do some large project in the house, there would be a fight. Not a physical fight, but there would be yelling and blaming and all the things that actually don’t contribute at all to solving the problem. For a long time I carried a lot of those behaviours in my own conflict tool kit, but I have since learned others.
Curiosity - this is the super power of conflict resolution!! Instead of leading with frustration, be curious about how the other person sees the situation, and what beliefs and values inform their behaviour
Silence - our tendency is to keep speaking during conflict, as though saying more words is going to create clarity for the other person; silence allows space for new information to sink in and for perspectives to shift
What if? This question allows us to consider new possibilities: what if things were different? What if the other person didn’t mean you harm but was just doing the best with what they know?
Community mediation brings together community members who are in dispute to listen to one another’s perspectives on the same events and issues, and to consider in what ways they tell the same story differently. Here at JFC, our approach to community mediation is based on the foundational belief that everyone is the hero in their own story, and when we share our stories, we are able to expand our individual understanding of the circumstances in dispute.
What’s your conflict resolution story? Let’s talk.